Winner of the Annual Birthday Challenge 2007:
Editors' note: Each year we provide an
essay topic in a special birthday edition of the Muse
which is distributed at both New York dinners and posted on the ASH website.
This year’s assignment was:
One hundred years ago
(i.e., during the years of 1906 and 1907) no new cases of Sherlock Holmes were
published. In 200 words or less, tell us what the good doctor was doing then
that prevented his regaling the reading public with more tales of the Master.
The
winner of the 2007 Birthday Challenge is Laurie Fraser Manifold’s magnificent
depiction of Watson’s experiences in the San Francisco earthquake and its
aftermath. Runners-up (in no particular order) were Elaine and Jonathan
McCafferty, Ann Margaret Lewis and Sandy Kozinn. Honorable mention also goes to
Lelah Urban and Warren Randall. Well done, everyone!
RULES BRITANNIA
Elaine & Jonathan McCafferty
Following her husband’s appearance in the
criminal courts, Mrs. Wilson had taken over the old canary training business –
that is, bringing young beauties from the country to the cosmopolitan life of a
courtesan. Mrs. Wilson’s young charmers gave pleasure to the mighty and gave
mighty pleasure – in return for secrets. Those canaries talked. It was at Rules
restaurant, London’s Mecca for the aristocratic gourmand, that the King fell for
one of the canaries. With King Edward as a canary fancier, Mrs. Wilson dominated
the market in monarchical indiscretions. Dr. Watson’s tact and discretion,
allied to his medical training and knowledge of intimate personal diseases, made
him Mycroft Holmes’ ideal candidate for assuring His Majesty’s continued good
health. Unbeknown to the King, Mycroft discovered that the Kaiser had paid to
listen to Mrs. Wilson’s canaries. Soon England’s secret defences would be in
peril. Dr. Watson took the Head Waiter at Rules into his confidence. “If the
King orders any tarts,” he said, “I want to inspect them first.” Thus began a
fatal misunderstanding involving a naked woman, a stethoscope, and a Bakewell
Pudding. Dr. Watson spent two years in the Tower before His Majesty could see
the funny side.
GIVE THAT MAN A
CIGAR
By Ann Margaret Lewis
Why did Dr. Watson publish no new cases between
1906 and 1907? He was a very busy man, for it is then that he became —
a daddy!
As is evident in BLAN (1903), Dr. Watson is
married. The intention of marriage, particularly at that time, was to have a
family. Since Watson had “no kith nor kin in England,” he was probably
favourable to the idea and, when he married, he married in love, accepting that
joyful possibility.
By 1906 Watson had been married for three years,
most likely to a younger wife. After learning she was “in a family way,” he was
drawn into baby preparations by his nesting mate. Between painting and
furnishing the nursery (formerly his study) and baby-proofing (pipes must remain
on the mantelpiece or become teething toys!), he was so consumed with new
fatherhood and his medical calls (a “busy medical man with calls…every hour,”
MAZA, ca. 1903) that he had no time to think of his literary enterprise or his
neglected friend Holmes, who wrote in LION (1907) that “Watson had almost passed
beyond [his] ken.”
If there’s one thing that would truly be beyond
Holmes’ ken, it’s fatherhood.
Give that man a cigar!
WHY WATSON DIDN'T PUBLISH IN
1906 OR 1907
Sandy Kozinn
While Holmes tended bees not far from the surf,
Watson, from boredom, returned to the turf.
He saw Holmes but little, almost passed from his
ken.1
Conversations were few twixt these once-friendly
men.
Watson wrote up some cases and published some,
too,
But the ones he remembered were only a few.
The notes for the rest were ensconced in a box
Which he placed in a bank which, he said, was
named Cox.
Once Holmes watched his checkbook, but Watson
was lax,
And his pounds trotted off. (Yes, these are the
facts.)
When the bank sent a bill, Watson's shillings
were few,
And he thought to pay later. He forgot. (Yes,
it's true!)
It took quite a long time to settle the matter
And even more time to assort all his data.
Without Holmes's memory, his writing was slow,
Plus the first thing he wrote was quite long, as
you know.2
His readers had over two long years to wait
On account of a lost bill. Ah, well, such is
fate!
1. LION,
which takes place in 1909
2. WIST
